Probably gonna catch some heat from other parents over this, but those moms & dads that pretend they’ve never had the same thoughts are what we call “full of shit.”
With that out of the way, I do absolutely love my kids, and would do anything in the world for them. I have 2 adorable, very intelligent girls, ages 6 & 2. For the sake of this post, we’ll call them, Thing 1 and Thing 2.
And most days they’re fine; just your normal, every day kids doing normal, every day kid things. But then there are those days. And as a parent, you never know when it’s going to be one of those days, until it’s too late. They typically start out as any other day. The kiddos eat breakfast, they’re being sweet, playing together quietly, sharing, and listening to you.
Then around lunch time, something happens. It’s that part of the day where someone (other than yourself) needs a nap, and starts to get a little whiny, and decides they’re not going to eat lunch. Or wear pants. Or do anything without having a minor meltdown. And then in starts…
Phase One: The “Come On Guys”
You try to be nice, almost passive-aggressive about it to begin with. “Thing 1, quit pulling on Sissy.” “Thing 2, quit jumping on the couch.” “Don’t play with that, Thing 1.” “Let your sister see that.” “Quit jumping from the ottoman to the couch, Thing 2.” “Quiet down, please.”
Then you repeat yourself. Like, every 5 minutes (or less). Sigh. The exasperation has already kicked in. You just want more than 90 consecutive seconds of peace. But no. That’s just ridiculous. You don’t need peace and quiet. You don’t need to complete a thought. Do lion tamers in the circus have time to think? No. Thinking is for pansies. If you stop to think, they’ll eat you alive… You got this, you tell yourself.